desire satisfaction, regardless of their gender. That being said, our sexual media should be more inclusive. Men tend to internalize what they see in pornography, and if porn is one sided, they’ll be bringing that one-sided perspective to the bedroom. NO GO. That doesn’t work. Am I the only one that feels this way? To find out what my other (and more graphic) beefs are with porn, hit the “Contact/Info” tab and I’ll gladly email you back and tell you lol.
I have a few different reasons of why I don’t care for pornography, but my central beef is that it’s very one sided. Let’s face it; most pornography is designed to attract and entertain men. The issue with this is that if it caters to one audience, what a person is going to view will primarily be from one perspective. Sex is a SHARED experience. It takes two people to have sex and both partners
desire satisfaction, regardless of their gender. That being said, our sexual media should be more inclusive. Men tend to internalize what they see in pornography, and if porn is one sided, they’ll be bringing that one-sided perspective to the bedroom. NO GO. That doesn’t work. Am I the only one that feels this way? To find out what my other (and more graphic) beefs are with porn, hit the “Contact/Info” tab and I’ll gladly email you back and tell you lol.
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One of my female friends told me that she doesn’t get along with feminists because “they’re anti-childbirth and anti-marriage.” There are many misconceptions about feminists and feminism, and this idea is one of them. I’m sure there’s some woman out there that calls herself a feminist and is indeed anti-marriage/childbirth, but being such is not a major tenet of feminist beliefs or of the movement. For me personally as a feminist, I am NOT against marriage and/or childbirth; I’m against women being forced or pressured to take on those responsibilities if they do not wish to. I’m against women being characterized as poor spouses or parents for pursuing harmless interests outside of those roles. I’m against women being made to feel like slaves or silent subordinates in their marriage. That’s what I’m against. On a semi-related note, when I come across a woman that speaks negatively of the concept of feminism, it pisses me off. It’s one thing to disagree with some of the ideas or approaches, but it’s another thing to be against it all together. Feminists are the reason women have a right to vote. Feminists are part of the reason why there are women’s shelters for the abused and homeless. Many of the liberties we enjoy as women today came as a result of a movement or protest led by feminists. I don’t understand how any woman can be anti-feminist. Someone please explain that to me. Okay, the average woman has at least one complaint about the male species. Like any other woman, I have my share of complaints, but if men do nothing else right, its keep their resources. For some reason, some women think that they have to sell their souls to the devil in order to fully devote themselves in a relationship and they’ll willingly eliminate or alienate friends or family, drop or change a career goal or put themselves in a compromising (or unfair) position. For the most part, it seems that no matter how much in love a man is (he could be head over heels), he’s not willing to do all of that. He’s not going to sacrifice his support system (i.e. friends or family), his income (a career path or job) or anything else he finds vital to his well-being or happiness. Him being in love has nothing to do with the other stuff; its separate. To try to illustrate my point, I’ll reference the film “Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman.” Granted, it’s a movie, but sometimes art really does imitate life. In the film, the leading female character, Helen, is married to a successful lawyer who divorces her for a woman he’s had an affair and 2 children with. Where my example comes in is that the Helen never pursued her own career goals, signed a pre-nuptial agreement that entitled her to nothing in the event of divorce, and put her mother in a nursing home because her husband said having her mother in their home didn’t fit his “American dream.” When her husband literally picked her up and put her on the front porch and told her to get gone, she had no money and nowhere to stay. She didn’t have any friends to bunk with because all of her friends were his friends. She didn’t have any family to immediately call because she had been selectively alienated from them to be immersed in her marriage. In “Waiting to Exhale,” Angela Basset’s character pushed her personal goals aside to work for her husband’s self-built law-firm. When he divorced her for another woman, she was out of a job AND a husband, and had to start from scratch. These may seem like extreme examples, but it happens. I’m sure that there are men out there who have made some similar sacrifices while in a relationship, but it SEEMS that it rarely happens. It SEEMS that most men aren’t going to put their mama’s in nursing homes or put themselves in a situation where they have nothing to fall back on because they’re in love. Most men stay on their stuff; they're gonna 'be how they be', and do what they do regardless of how negative or positive it is. You can be a devoted partner without sacrificing your dreams, your resources or your support system. Writing about these brings me to another point. You can be a devoted partner without losing your sense of self too. I’ve seen chicks so wrapped up and so immersed in their relationships that their entire identity is being __________’s girlfriend. Everything they do and think about has to do with their boyfriend. I knew one chick that went to the same workplace, school and church with her boyfriend AND lived in the same apartment complex. You might ask “well what’s wrong with this if you’re crazy in love?” The problem with this is that heaven forbid you split up, you won’t know who the heck you are anymore. Its like “what do I do now?” If you’re whole identity is being __________’s girlfriend or wife, what happens when you’re not their girlfriend or wife anymore? Even if you never split up, there’s going to be a time where you need the space and time to “cool off”, reflect or be in tune with yourself for a little bit. It’s ok to have your OWN friends, your OWN hobbies, your OWN accomplishments, your OWN environment; your OWN identity. You have so many roles: you’re mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, friends, colleagues, students, your beliefs, your ideas, etc. You’re all these things IN ADDITION to being a wife or girlfriend. You are a multidimensional entity. Treat yourself that way. I am SOOOO sick of women not making men EARN their affections, bodies, etc. and then complaining when the man doesn’t commit or put in as much effort. Let’s be logical here. Why the heck would a man commit and/or put in more effort if he doesn’t have to, to obtain what you’re offering? Would you go to work every day if you could make the same money (or more for that matter) just breathing? No.
Why pick/hand squeeze 100 oranges for juice when you can buy a ready-to-go gallon at the store? Thus, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Don’t roll your eyes. It’s a cliché and a saying for a reason. Most humans are not going to put in any more than what THEY DEEM necessary to attain a certain thing. So, if something is free, you can bet your life they aren’t going to work for it. Don’t expect someone to work for your free goods. “Oh, I’m sorry Oprah, I can’t take a weekly million dollar stipend from you for nothing; I need to work for it.” GET OUTTA HERE! GET REAL GIRL! A man who’s getting your FREE goods is not going to beg you to work to earn them. Now when I speak with other women about why they give away something unearned, they often tell me it’s because they are expecting to get something they want (which is usually a commitment or an exclusive relationship) in exchange. Agreeing to an exchange is like signing a contract-you’ll be obligated/or expected to give or do a certain thing in order to receive. For someone who doesn’t want to work or wants something for free, an exchange agreement is not going to be of interest. If you want water, don’t go to the desert. If you’re looking for an exclusive or committed relationship, seek others who want the same thing. Seek like-minded individuals; otherwise, you simply won’t get what you want. Men make it abundantly clear, either through their words or actions, what their plans or intentions with you are. It’s YOUR responsibility to heed to their message. Don’t try to MAKE something work that’s not supposed to. Yes, there are some men that purposely manipulate or “play” women, but most of them make it clear what page they’re on. Men don’t hide much in that sense. So pay attention, believe people when they show you who they are and LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. Women have AMAZING instincts, and we listen to them less than half of the time. So, what’s the moral to this story? Stop giving away things unearned, stop seeking commitments from people who are less than interested in making one, and listen to your instincts. The end. |
Society/CultureMy personal commentary on politics, race, gender, religion, social class, news media and several other things related to our society and culture. Archives
May 2014
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