J.Says Online
  • Home
  • Entertainment
    • THE J. LIST
    • J.LIST BLOG
    • GENERAL HOSPITAL
  • Seriously Beyonce`, WTH?!?
  • Society/Culture
  • So This is Life?
    • J.Says Daily
    • J.Says & the "Quarter-Life Crisis"
  • Contact/ Info
  • Feedback

Playing the Age Game with Goals

7/29/2012

1 Comment

 
Picture
We 20-somethings are haunted and plagued by our age-contingent goals. It messes us up. This whole idea of telling yourself that you have to do or attain a certain thing by a certain age is more harmful than helpful.  There is nothing wrong with setting goals and being proactive about them, but the problem with goal setting around your age is that it often adds undue pressure and issues. Sometimes we take on things or responsibilities that we truly aren’t prepared for. For example, rushing into marriage or getting an apartment or home that you really can’t afford because “you’re supposed to have that done by 25.” Speaking of financial matters, I’ve seen people change academic majors or join career fields that they only half-heartedly care about because the income or benefits will help them reach an age-based aspiration. In the long run, they ended up resenting themselves AND their work and felt trapped with no way out.

Intense anxiety can develop as one approaches a particular age, causing stagnation, depression around birthdays or attempts to relive a previous period, possibly stunting maturity. Uncertainty or fear of failure to reach an age-based goal can easily cause stagnation; sometimes it seems easier to procrastinate or not pursue something than tackle it and fail. I call it “I’ll think about it tomorrow” Scarlett O’Hara syndrome ("Gone with the Wind"). I fell prey to it myself. While I was in a graduate counseling program, I rapidly fell out of love with the idea of being a therapist. Instead of using my time in school wisely and doing everything I could to explore options with my impending degree, I put it in the back of mind. I avoided it. I waited until the month I was graduating to ask questions. I was so afraid and uncertain about what I was going to do next that I froze.

As for birthday depression and reverting to the “good old days,” I had a friend who suddenly went missing-in-action just before her birthday. When she resurfaced weeks later, she revealed that thinking about her birthday saddened her because she didn’t think she was “where she needed to be for her age.” I’ve seen many a friend revert to acting as if they were once again college freshman or high school students, trying to go back to a time where their lives were uncomplicated by age-contingent goals and expectations. Those that didn’t revert carry an emotionally heavy bag of regret; unsatisfied with how things have turned out, wanting to undo decisions and feeling cornered by the choices they’ve made.

Picture
The worst thing about age-contingent ambitions is that if you fail at them, if often breaks confidence, reduces self-esteem and causes insecurity. One friend told me she feels inferior and that others will judge her because of the things she didn’t do at “the right age.” The judgment is a real villain. Another peer of mine constantly hears condescending remarks about being unmarried. I’m harassed not only because of my marital status (I’m currently single), but because I haven’t found “my big girl job” yet. People are forever nagging, questioning or bossing you around about what you haven’t done yet and when you’re going to do it. If one’s self-esteem is shaken, feelings of incompetence and incapability can quickly set in, thus diminishing motivation or belief that other dreams can become a reality.

Age-basing can suck the fun out of life as you spend so much time with pressure, stress, fear, guilt, regret and insecurity. When setting goals, analyze your motives, what pursuing this objective will require and if your ideal timeframe is reasonable. Do you really think achieving this goal will improve your life? At what cost will you seek after your target? Are you making decisions independently or are you making choices to appease someone else? Are you trying to fit into a mold? Are you doing what you think is healthiest for you? Are you emotionally, physically or financially ready? Also, make sure you choose objectives that you can actually influence. For example, it doesn’t make sense to expect to be married by 25. You can’t make love happen and it’s best to not try to make someone marry you (anyone can find a partner or sex-buddy, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be a quality mate). Sure, you can try to date and increase your chances of finding a mate, but that’s it. That’s all you can do. If you fail at achieving something, yes, it will suck. You might feel terrible and useless, but that’s not true. Just re-route and reevaluate. Good luck.

1 Comment

Potential Employer B.S.

3/27/2012

2 Comments

 
Picture
Lumbergh of 'Office Space': total B.S.
Dear Potential Employee,

I’m your potential employer and as your potential employer I’m going to remind you of why you wanted to quit school and start a traveling band in the 1st place, as I behaviorally will be a culmination of the butthole that bullied you in the middle school, the anal-retentive jerk professor you had in college, the guy that stole your girlfriend last week and your overly bossy parents.

I will make you kiss my tail and chase me down with repeated calls, emails and meetings and act like I can’t be bothered with you even though I’M THE ONE who needs assistance and employees. Basically, I’m going to act like I don’t want you. If you seem confident, I’ll take you down a notch because I will view it as egotistical. If you’re humble, I’ll turn my nose up and view you as weak. Even though your resume is impressive, I WILL unfairly judge you by your appearance. If you’re too attractive as a female, I’ll either hire you because I want eye-candy in the office or not hire you because I will assume you’re a slut. If you have the slightest hint of a tattoo or a piercing, you can forget it. Even though you need money to have ultra-fine clothing, I will deny you income if you show up in just the decent clothing you can afford.

Speaking of resumes, even though I required it and you just handed it to me, I’m still going to expect you to fill out the same exact information on our standard application. It’s especially important that we have the same information in two places as we will completely negate it if an applicant with connections and less impressive credentials comes in. If you’re too educated, we’ll tell you you’re overqualified. If you have one degree too little, you’re under-qualified. We’ll also tell you that you don’t have enough experience; although, if no one ever hires you, you’ll never gain such experience. If you manage to book an interview, our questions will be irrelevant and unreasonably difficult to answer (ex. If you could be a tree, what type would you be and why?). If not that, we’ll ask “moral measurement” questions (ex. have you ever stolen from your employer or have you ever gotten upset with your employer?). Moral measurement questions are my favorite to ask, because I like to watch people squirm while trying to decide whether they should give me a socially-acceptable Ms. America answer or be honest. I love my job. Maybe one day you’ll have a job like me. Thank you for your interest in joining our staff.

Sincerely,
Your Potential Employer

2 Comments

Hobbies Count as Work Experience, Dang It!!

11/25/2011

1 Comment

 
I’ve been thinking…why can’t honed hobbies count as work experience? If one indulges in photography as a hobby and they have proof that they’re rather skilled at it (such as a photo album), why can’t they put it on a resume` and apply for a photographer position at Olan Mills? I know that might sound funny, but seriously, why not? I’m still hunting in the jungle for a job…if I’m not considered “overqualified” (because of my master’s degree in psych), I’m under-qualified (not enough hands-on experience or a more specific degree, license, etc.). I’ve been applying for an array of positions in different fields: human service, non-profit organizations, media…even event planning. I haven’t applied for anything I don’t have some prior experience in; I guess I just don’t have enough-particularly in journalism-despite running the ENTIRE entertainment section for my college newspaper. I feel like I should be able to put running this blog as experience on my resume`. Afterall, it is semi-journalistic and is a testament to my writing ability. Also, I’ve learned so much about networking, marketing/promotion, web design, social media and public relations while operating this site, among other things. I know a lot of talented, creative and intelligent people whose gifts really shine through their hobbies. Am I being unreasonable here or what? Lol
1 Comment

Are You a Sellout?

11/9/2011

1 Comment

 
Picture
Hey man, no I'm not...am I?
I was having dinner with a friend and easily got into a music industry debate with our friendly waiter after he spotted my Dereon` bag (pop-star Beyonce’s clothing line). He said that he didn’t care for a lot of mainstream music and threw around the word “sell-out” when discussing artists he felt changed to a more commercial sound. As the conversation went on, he eventually said “but I guess anyone who has job is a sellout, so, it’s whatever I suppose.” Perplexed, my friend asked “How is that accurate? How does having a job make you a sellout?” He explained “Most people don’t work in a field they truly enjoy or are interested in. Most of us would have different jobs if we could do whatever we wanted and still pay bills.” I could understand his point and to a large extent, agreed. My friend still didn’t think it makes you a sellout if you do what it takes, including taking a job you hate, to pay bills and handle responsibilities. This same friend asked me a few weeks ago why it was so important for me to have a job I love or at least like. I figure if I’m going to spend 40 hours a week somewhere, I have to at least like what I’m doing. If I loathe my job and hate getting up every morning because I dread what I have to do, that’s not a quality life. Spending 8 hours a day watching a clock and wanting to crawl out of my skin for money is just not worth it to me. It’s going to screw with my sense of purpose. I’m going to look up and go “Is this life? Is this what it’s all about?” Needless to say, my own desire to have a job that not only offers monetary support, but personal fulfillment as well, is what partially led to me agreeing with my waiter.

“You’re a slave to money than you die.”-Bittersweet Symphony , The Verve Pipe

Picture
The more I thought about what the waiter said, the more I thought about all the different ways we “sellout” while in the workforce. The butt-kissing, the toleration of condescending remarks, the hiding of tattoos & piercings, the concealing of religious, political or cultural beliefs & sexual orientation, the revisions to Facebook profiles-and often, contrary to what your mama told you, this won’t stop the “higher” or more successful you get at your job unless you’re the CEO. What are we doing all this for? Money? Yes, you have to have a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and transportation. If you have children, there’s an even greater need for these things, among other items, but where do we draw the line between meeting needs and selling our souls? What do you think?

1 Comment

I HATE JOB HUNTING!!

10/7/2011

2 Comments

 
Picture
Brief rant.

I hate job hunting because...
1. Not only is it time consuming, but it’s time consuming with very little fruit from the labor. Many people apply for 1,000 positions and will only hear back from (maybe) 12 companies.

2. It’s amazing the amount of chasing you have to do-constantly emailing and leaving voicemails for the same people and making stops at the same locations. Aren’t the companies the ones that NEED employees? The way you have to chase down some execs, it’s almost like they aren’t hiring at all and you have to convince THEM to open a position.

Picture
This photo says it all.
3. It makes me feel incompetent. When you spend so much time chasing execs, proving yourself, being evaluated and sometimes kissing butt, you may start to feel unwanted, unqualified or just plain not good enough. There is a lot of rejection and comparison to others involved with job hunting. It’s been hard for me to keep what’s typically apart of the job seeking process from negatively affecting my confidence.

Rant finished.

2 Comments

Quarter Shots April 3, 2011

4/3/2011

0 Comments

 
“Better to consider opportunities now than in ten years when life may limit your choices.”-Ms. Darbus (High School Musical 3: Senior Year)

Here’s the thing kids, if you aren’t married and don’t have any children, THIS IS THE TIME to take risks career-wise and try on different shoes until one fits. I know you’re concerned about stabilizing yourself financially and sustaining what resources you have now, and that makes sense, but you have the rest of your life to bend over backwards doing something you don’t want to do to keep the bills paid. It’s a whole heck of a lot HARDER to quit a job just because you don’t like it once you have mouths to feed.
0 Comments

Quarter Shots April 2, 2011

4/2/2011

0 Comments

 
Man, why did I have to want a career in music business? Why do I have to be an “artsy” person and love music versus having an interest in engineering or dentistry, a career field with a “straight forward” path? I just HAD to want to take a career path that resembles Russian roulette and is based on “who I know” instead of “what I know.”
0 Comments

Buttholes with Degrees

2/6/2011

0 Comments

 
A recent videoblog of mine.
0 Comments

Quarter Shots January 21, 2011

1/21/2011

0 Comments

 
Most of us of think (or are told) that the path to financial stability is to chose a “practical” or “profitable” academic major that will ensure career longevity and a “stable” 9-5 job. I’m doing an internship at government agency and most of my co-workers say that despite taking such a path, their wallets are still tight and life isn’t as affordable as they would like it to be. Most of my friends who are in the workforce report the same thing about their fellow employees. So, if I’m going to be just as broke after college as I am now, I might as well take on whatever crazy, career goal I want, right? Then, I might be broke, but I’ll happy as the sun with my daily, 40hrs/week job.

0 Comments

Quarter Shots-January 13, 2011

1/13/2011

0 Comments

 
"You want to play house, you've got to have a job. You want to play nice house, very sweet house, you've got to have a job you don't like." (Revolutionary Road)
0 Comments
<<Previous
    Picture

    Help! I'm having  a "Quarter-Life Crisis"!

    What is a "Quarter-Life Crisis", you ask? Well, I'm around 25 and I'm at that stage in life where my "future" personal and career goals are beginning to come into the present...and it's freaking me out lol. Here, I'm sharing my thoughts and experiences as I go through the process of "becoming a real adult".  

    Note: Occasionally, other individuals will be writing posts and they will be marked as such.    Want to be contributor for this section of the site? Click the "Contact/Info" tab to find out how!

    Archives

    April 2013
    August 2012
    July 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    April 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    October 2010
    September 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    January 2010

    Tags/Categories

    All
    18 & 21 Year Old Self
    1 Where The Crisis Began
    2 Quarter Shots
    3 It's Me Again God
    Advice
    Age Goals
    Ah Ha Moments
    Ah-Ha Moments
    Career Options
    College
    Education
    Family Relationships
    Finances
    Goal Setting
    God
    High School
    High School Musical
    Income
    Job Hunting
    Life Changes
    Marriage
    Monotony
    Music
    Parents
    Personal Relationships
    Plans
    Psychology Counseling
    Psychology-Counseling
    Quotes
    Relationships
    Stagnation
    Support Systems
    Videoblogs
    Workforce

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.